"The Oar"

     I know some people who have started blogs in order to keep others updated on a situation, or to allow others to write for their own coping methods  This blog is for me to let out my emotions and allow you to hear what I am feeling inside. If you just want to be updated, then good luck going through my posts. I love to write, so be warned :)
     Before I can go on to talk about how everything has happened with Trent thus far, I am going to share  a thought that came to me at a time in my life when I and others needed to hear it most. I wanted to write a book on the subject, but never got around to it. (I have shared it before in a Christmas letter once)
     "One day I pictured myself in a canoe simply wandering down the water, when I came to a fork in the river. I looked and saw that one path was smooth and calm and I knew the water would've been easy to maneuver down. I knew I would be safe. The other path looked dangerous with white water waves, and in some areas dark from the shadows of trees and large rocks. I couldn't see past the danger of it. Without a doubt I  decided to paddle towards the calm path Yet as I was paddling, I heard my name being called. I heard this voice say "Jamie, do you trust me? Do you trust me Jamie?  If you trust me, put the oar in the boat and let me lead you." I knew it was God, yet at the same time I wasn't sure what to do. I was scared. I was scared he was going to lead me down the path that was too dangerous, dark, and unknown. I heard the voice again "Put the oar in the boat, and let me lead you." I decided to put the oar in the boat with reluctance.  I suddenly felt the boat move towards the unsafe path. I was lead down the river of white rapids with  water splashing in my face making it hard to breath. I was white knuckling by holding onto my boat, afraid I was going to fall out and drown. At times I couldn't even see what was in front of me because of the darkness and the rocking of the boat. I felt a wide range of emotions from fear, to excitement, to yelling for it to stop. After I had taken all that I thought I could handle, the river didn't care and wouldn't stop. I had no choice but to keep holding on. Finally when the shadows and clouds passed, and the water started to calm, the sun out, I was able to look up and see a calm, serene lake in front of me. I had made it. I looked behind me and couldn't believe I had made it through the roughness of the water. I then looked down the path where I could see the path I almost took, and I saw at the end was a steep, deadly waterfall. "  The moral of my story is that in life we are here to learn. Life isn't always going to be easy, in fact I believe we came here to go through as much as we could, so we could grow. The calm path was in a way damned because I couldn't progress and in the end wouldn't have grown, or appreciated what I went through. The path the Lord had taken me on was not a fun one at times. Just like a blacksmith has to put his tool under pressure of heat in order to mold it into the way he wants, God was able to take me on the path of life that would do me the most good and make me who I am today. Yet at the same time, before I came to this earth, I knew I was one that "Shouted for Joy," I knew I had seen parts of my life before I had agreed to come here. I knew I was going to go through hard times, but all in all my life would bring me happiness, love, and compassion. I knew I wanted to be here and couldn't wait.
     When I shared this story with a group of women who helped me in my life, they had bought us each a oar key chain to remember to enjoy the journey, because while it may be scary and dark at times, in the end everything will be ok. Life takes all sorts of turns and I think Trent and I have had our fair share of turns. However, each time we go through a struggle or hardship, we are able to become better people and learn. We may feel like we get to catch a break and then something else happens. Whatever the reason is, everyone living will have their own trials in their life, this blog is the story from here on out of one of the journeys that my little family will be on.